Hello! Call me Jellybean :-)
About Me
I am 32, disabled, Black & Brown, mixed, queer, poor intense, alternative, a dreamer, visionary, weird, creative, unique, unusually funny and super cool 😎I will be living on 4,200 a year (which only just increased to 350 dollars September of 2024), and was living on 2k for about 7 years. This is still well below the poverty line.
💬 “Want to help me get essentials, doing things I otherwise would never be able to, decorate my apartment or just make my day with a deli sandwich? There’s lists of the things I'm trying to do, plan and save for. See below.”I've decided I want to protect my privacy so I will not be using my real name. Everything else here is authentic. Thank you for visiting!Right now my most urgent needs are clothes including under garments, a new mattress and box spring, oral surgery, and help towards my monthly supplies like supplements, household items and hygiene/care products.Most underlined text is hyperlinked so be sure to check. And send any digital gift cards to the email I provided.Please message me if you have questions.
Hey listen!
As I receive/purchase items I will cross them off and or upload photos, to share, show that gifts/aid are/is going to and how it has impacted my life :-) <3I only ever want someone to give if they can and want to.Note: doing so is not an entitlement or justification to
be abusive, violate boundaries or try holding power over me or my life. That’s not kindness or support.
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☁️ About me: 🦄
I LOVE movies, shows, games, video essays, papers, media preservation and restoration, food, music, fashion.History, dinosaurs — all sorts of animals, fungus, mythology, the paranormal, music (listening to it and making playlists), sciences and collecting. I wish it was Spring, Fall and Halloween all year round <3Colors: Lilac, baby blue, forrest green, light teal, neons, pastels, black, soft pink, hot pink,Food: Lebanese, Chinese, Southern, Mexican, Northern Midwest (U.S.), Japanese,Movies: The Descent, Blade II, Thirteen Ghosts (2001), 28 Weeks Later, Queen of the damned, Ghost World, Halloween Tree, Heathers, The Awakening, The Descent, Hellboy (2004), Identity, Legally Blonde. Resident Evil Apocalypse, The Boogyeman.Personal cult classics: Ghost World, Pumpkin,
Stay Alive (Unrated version), Thirteen Ghosts, Tron Legacy,Tv Shows: Mad Men, Batman Beyond, AHS Coven, Full Metal Alchemist Brotherhood, Sense8, Continuum,
Avatar the last airbender, BoJack Horseman, The 100,Animes: Cowboy Bebop, Psycho Pass, Fullmetal Alchemist Brotherhood, The Big O,Arists: Akira Yamaoka, Amy Studt, The Killers, Bôa, Mount Sims, Ramon Djawadi, Peachole, The Wanderer, Molina,Songs: Favorites playlist here
Bands: Jack Off Jill, VAST, Kittie (original line-up), Korn, The Soft Moon, Daft Punk, Spice Girls,Groups/duos: The Killers, Tears for Fears, They Might Be Giants, Trent Reznor and Atticus Ross, Piqsiq,Soundtracks: Tron Legacy, Clueless, Shadow in the cloud, Queen of the Damned, Vampire the masquerade bloodlines, The Man from U.N.C.L.E., Little Nightmares, Virgin Suicides (original motion picture soundtrack),Games: Tetris, Fallout 3, Mass Effect 2, Jetforce Gemini, American McGee’s Alice, Resident Evil 4, GTA: Ballad of Gay Tony,Books: Reference materials especially dictionaries, Doctors by Robert Segal, Fables comics, Blood the last vampire night of the beasts, H.P. books + fan fiction 🪄 (J.K.R. sucks), Haunted Heartland by Beth and Norman Scott. A series of unfortunate events the bad beginning, 1,001 Nights of Snowfall.Essayists: RenegadeCut, Princess Weekes, Pop Culture Detective, Abit Frank, What It All Meant, Tiffany Ferg, Thought Slime, Second Thought, Sage’s Rain.
📝 Please Read
I am unable to sustainably work, I try to live the best life for me possible. I'm well below the poverty line, have many needs, financial goals and joys of everyday life that are out of reach or a struggle to get.I'm well aware of the mentality of some which insists certain classes of people shouldn't live "beyond their means," are feigning being poor, disabled, etc. Or blame them for their situation and suffering, and therefore “they deserve it,” or should “try harder.”Especially if they are POC, disabled, LGBT+, women, etc. Often viewing them as half of a person and deserving of even less.These are narrow, ignorant and cruel perspectives, thought processes and sentiments that fail to understand the phenomenon, experiences and how poverty, disability, race, class, gender, orientation, body size/weight and age play a role.
Social nets are insufficient, disability and poverty bears quite a cost when you don’t have adequate resources to meet needs and obligations. Think about why it’s easier for so many to believe almost everyone is lying instead of accepting that millions struggle to live in a world with massive inequity and disparity.
☁️ Wishlist, needs and goals ☁️
HomeTv stand 50 inch
Computer chair
Computer desk
Kitchen chairs (qty 4)
Chorus latex free mattress (full (size), cushion firm)* Note: I don’t know how quite to achieve this goal while maintaining my privacy so for now only close loved ones can help me with this. Unless I can open a sort of living trust or disability savings account.Dish washer
Front loader washer/dryer
* May be able to get as accommodationHouseholdSupplementsGarden of Life multivitamin
OLLY hair and melatonin
NOW Foods (brand)I get a lot of them here: iHerbI’m having a really hard time
affording these and they help a lotEtsy registry
Please email to ask for URLHair productsLeave in conditioners
Serum
Shampoo and Conditioner
Headbands
Barrettes*I buy these items at Target, Walmart, Etsy and or
directly from the brand websites. Gift cards helpful🎉 Electric toothbrush Yay! 🎉
Dental tape (floss)
Batteries (AA & AAA)
Baby wipesHere are stores I shop at for said supplies:Groceries* I receive EBT ($291) which is supplemental), Optage meals and use a food shelf, even so, food is still quite an expense and remains a financial and disability related stressor for me every single month. Extra funds always welcome. I also order food when I’m too exhausted to cook or my mom who helps me who is also disabled. *I accept e-gift cards to the following stores:Fresh Thyme
Cub Foods
Target
Walmart
Kowalski’s
Lunds & Byerly’sAnd I accept e-gift cards & or gifted funds to
the following restaurants:Davannis🍕🥪🥗
Brueggers 🥯
Pot Belly 🥪
Sonic 🥤
White Castle 🍔
Sweet Treasures 🧁
Clothes 👗
I am fat. I'm a size 26/28 (U.S) and up, and also vanity sizing sucks. I'm not going to provide any reasons or justifications for my body being the way it is or deserving clothing, and if you want that, you can leave. Moving on.Clothes can be difficult to find and purchase for me. Quality, style, price, sustainability, ethical practices, availability in-store or online, if a store is limiting or entirely eliminating larger sizes -- so many variables
and all contribute to the challenge of obtaining
clothes as a fat person.My tastes are eclectic, that said I tend to dress comfortable, alt (alternative), preppy and or sporty. Alt clothes are the most difficult to track down and afford. With help I can also afford ethical fashion much more!The following are all stores that carry my size and I'd love to order from! I accept gift cards! I may create another page for specific items I'd like :-)🩷Snag Tights ❤︎
Etsy ❤︎
Trash QueenLively Ghosts ❤︎
Rebdolls ❤︎Teen Hearts
Wicked Clothes
Big Bud PressShop Soft Core
Panty Drop ❤︎
Chub RubDressing Up To Dream ❤︎
Penn Penningtons
Universal StandardVeras Eye Candy💕All shops hyperlinked to gift card pages
Hearts are by my favorite shops ❤︎ * I know some of these brands are more expensive, however after you are above a certain size, clothes are just more expensive. And I also may as well ask for what I really want, and need.
Enrichment, coping activities and funMedia
(books, movies, tv shows, games, etc)
Note: I shop at eBay and would love e-gift cards!MusicSpotify subscription
(Send Venmo funds)Bandcamp wishlist
Send songs and or albums as gifts to my emailI-pods/mp3 players 🎧
(Send funds to Venmo so I can buy them on
marketplaces like eBay and Poshmark)* I want to load music on them so I
can cancel my music subscriptionsBooksBookshop registry 🍎📚Half-Price Books e-gift cardsLibro.fm wishlist
Libro.fm credits👛Rock, gem and glass collecting 🪨
* Consider gifting me an Etsy gift card, sending by
post 📦 💌 or send money directly *
Gaming 🎮If you are on (have an account) itchio you can buy games on my wishlist for me! I am also on Steam though I prefer itchio because you actually own the games you buy.Itchio profile and wishlists here
Steam profile and wishlist hereI want these consoles:PS5 (Disc edition), PlayStation 2, Sega Genesis,
Nintendo 64, Sega Dreamcast, Gaming PC and Gamecube.I aleady own these systems:Xbox 360, Xbox One, PlayStation 1, Gameboy Advance, Nintendo Switch, out of commission desktop PC and PS5.
*All are gifts I’ve received over the yearsGames wishlist:Tomba! (PS1)
Jersey Devil (PS1)
Watch Dogs 2 (Xbox One)
Bioshock 1 (Xbox 360)
Left 4 Dead (Xbox 360
Resident Evil 4 remake (PS5)
Bendy and the ink machine
LEGO Batman replacement (Xbox 360)
Fallout 4
Life is Strange: True Colors (Switch or Xbox One)
Life is Strange 2
Untitled Goose Game (Nintendo Switch)
Alan Wake 2 (PS5)
Cult of the lamb (Xbox one or Nintendo Switch)
Grand Theft Auto 5
MinecraftAccessories wishlist:Xbox one head set 🎧
Plug-in light and battery cover (Gameboy Advance)
PS5 head set 🎧Note: eBay, Half-Price books, Etsy, GameStop, Target, Best Buy gift cards, and adding funds to my Nintendo account are all ways to help me get these items 🙂☺️
Makeup, perfume
and care products 🧼🧴✨
These are the items that get neglected all the time and I rarely if ever have the money for. And frankly it is beyond depressing. I miss being able to take better care of myself, but I just don’t have the means, but I deserve to and hope to.CareCoco Rosewater toner
Bragg’s Apple Cider Vinegar
Lily of the desert Aloe VeraMake-up🩷 I’d love to be able to do this again. I haven’t had a collection in such a long time. Only the shy lipstick or pencil which I then use for years even past the point I should.I shop or would like items from the following brands:Holograve Cosmetics
Besamé Cosmetics
Juvia’s place
Burt’s Bee’s
Necromancy Cosmetics
Notoriously Morbid
🧵 Sewing and crafts 📏* I have a sewing machine and want to start using it for repairs and making some of my own clothes *Target
Joann Fabrics
Michael’s
EtsyLife sized dolls 🛼0% of 3,553.00
🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶🩶I’ll leave a cute 💕 note here once I have them <3* I am very isolated. I see my mom almost everyday, and speak to friends via messaging and phone calls. But it would be nice to feel like someone is there and have companions <3 *
PC replacement
Want to help me build a PC? Here’s all the components I need and want for my new computer.A bit over a year ago an unexpected storm knocked out my power and shut off my desktop computer. I did diagnostics and while the hard drive doesn’t seem to be damaged there is a boot sequence issue.It is less expensive to just clone the hard drive to a new pc. Contributing to cost for services, items and what not or essentially offsetting the cost to me is needed and appreciated!Once I have a home PC again, I can return to creating videos on my gaming channel, have better programs to edit my videos and other activities and projects that help manage my disabilities and brighten my day.complete part list:https://pcpartpicker.com/list/9qQF3wEstimated total: $1236.84Current part goals:HYTE Y70 ATX Mid Tower Case Pink $239.99MSI MPG B550 GAMING + ATX (mother board) $195.99 (on sale currently $170.99)Corsair Dominator Platinum (Memory card)
Currently out of stockSeagate One touch external SSD2TB 79.99
4TB 129.99Cyberpower EC85LCD backup
and surge protector $119.95I already have a monitor, speakers and keyboard.* 🗒️ In the long term I’d love help getting a much upgraded PC (like a gaming pc. Sure I can play awesome games which is great, the added benefit is they have excellent specs for many other needs and projects.*
Wheelchair
News!I’ve made wonderful progress with getting a wheelchair thanks to my new primary doctor and the physical therapist who conducted a physical assessment.
Next steps, I’m waiting to find out what insurance will approve or not. I have good feelings, and am just hoping my insurance won’t give me trouble. Because regardless I can get it covered through my CDCS program.If all goes smoothly, I just need to go through an assessment with the supplier. Likely for my home and discussing specifications.So while I currently don’t need any help achieving this goal, I like to share my wins and progress 🩷Update: The supplier company was acquired 3 weeks ago and not only my sent referrals and documents are missing, the steps needed to get my chair were not properly told to me and my mom. It’s really infuriating and I’m suffering. I should have my wheelchair already.
- Month of AugustLatest: I continue to go without a mobility all this time later and the year is almost over (2024). I may need to fundraise for a rental chair until I get the real thing. My body is so inflamed, tired, in pain and it is not only draining my energy, but making me feel suicidal frankly.I may setup a chuffed or get a funding campaign soon :-/
- November 9th
Dental surgery
Surgery details: extractions and implants
Quote: pendingI am in a state of stress, indecisiveness and pause with this goal, but think creating a general fund for my surgery might be easiest for now. So if you want to send anything via Venmo I can put money towards that.Eventually I hope to open an MSA (medical savings account) or something like it that people can direct their donations to instead.To maintain my privacy I don’t think I can share my billing account number because it would require me to disclose the clinic I go to which is too personal in terms of info.Instead I need to try to figure out how to setup a medical account or similar where I can keep my identity and other private details anonymous.* Details to come *——
For nearinng 6 - 7 years I've needed several fillings. My insurance covers composite resin and amalgam. The problem, both are toxic.Jury's still out on BPA free composite resin though I'd rather not risk potential carcinogenic exposure. Porcelain is highly bio compatible, durable and non toxic.Considering the teeth that need filling are all in the back of my mouth, makes sense. Porcelain can withstand the bite force far better and won't seep harmful chemicals into my body.However compelling and sensible my points, this is irrelevant to my HMO. I receive state insurance that will not cover this other material or anesthesia.
Furthermore many dental offices discriminate against those with my insurance type and expect my surgeries to be paid in full upfront if paid outlay. Hence my dilemma.It would be a great peace of mind to not worry about tooth decay anymore or potential mouth infections (some of which could be deadly). I'd like my oral health to be in a better place so I can live a better & longer quality of life.There’s also the matter of finding a dental office that has adequate protocol and policy regarding airborne pathogens. I do not want my health, especially dental, to deteriorate any more than it already has because of a SARS-2 infection in 2022 (and Long covid and M.E. ever since). Nosocomial infection in medical settings is now extremely common.
Thank you notes
This section will contain special thank yous for those who’ve supported me <3I am so thankful to my mom, new primary, physical therapist and art therapist. As well as my financial planner. I wouldn’t have made it this far without you.Thanks to my sister Melissa for sending me clothes in the mail, it really helped me out! 🩷A warm thank you to my friend Cat, Nicole and my mom for sharing my page and all the support they’ve given me 🩷
📌 Bulletin
As of March 2022, I was going to be applying for a 5,000 grant. Getting long covid has caused me to hold off. If I am approved I will post this development.As of 2022, I've been approved for a waiver program that covers certain items and services that help with my disabiliities called CDCS. It has been helpful so far! - 2022As of June 11th 2024, a home physical assessment has been completed thanks to my health system. I have full support and documentation for a wheelchair, shower chair and compression items! Next steps are finding out if and what my insurance will cover or not, and what my program will can or can’t.I may consider opening an FSA, HRA, HSA or MSA account to cover any medical expenses my state insurance will not.My dental problems are much worse from continued deferring of care because airborne pathogen protocols, infrastructure and policies are insufficient. Including at dental offices.Finding a trustworthy provider that takes SARS-2 and other airborne disease seriously along with aid for funding surgery will improve my health.As of September 17th 2024, my cash benefits have increased from $203.00 to $350.00! This will make a world of difference in paying towards bills, necessities, goals and reduce my stress ☺️🩷As of May 3rd 2025 my rent has been adjusted to my cash benefits increase so I only have 25 dollars more than what I used to receive thanks to this deduction. I continue to need help, but especially now. My stress understandably has increased, especially financially.Note: If you want to donate to any orgs or efforts on my behalf send me a message ❤︎* Eventually I may create a carrd co just for my bulletin as after a time the notes will become too long to have in a module like this. *
Notice
I’d like to say, the harm posed by accusing, stalking and doxxing those who ask for help, disclose being disabled, homeless or poor, especially online is exceedingly greater than the tiny percentage of fraud/scams. It also leads to worse stigma, bigotry, violence and Q.O.L. (Quality of Life) for oppressed people (like me).I address stalking, harassment, “hunting,” false claims, defamation, threats and so forth directed at myself VERY seriously and will take any and all appropriate action for my safety, rights and well-being.
Contact me
Any hate mail will be subject to legal matters or report. You've been warned.Inquiries and kind words are welcome! Please read through my page and look closely for hyperlinked text. No unsolicited advice (relevant resources however I gladly accept). Also, if my options and the supports
I receive was enough or covered all I need,
I wouldn’t have to to ask for more.I accept digital gift cards (e-gift card). Send to my email please and thank you.If you would like to send a physical gift card be sure to order them online and from the official website you want a card from as there have been issues in stores with cards being tampered with.Note: If you’d like to send a cash gift please contact me via email. For Venmo, please write “gift” in the notes section if you want to send me money that way.
If I receive an excess of 1k a year I must decline any additional cash gifts or my benefits are jeopardized.I will try to create as many registries as I can for anyone who does not want to send me money directly or
via e-gift card.